I can now be found at joshuanwood.blogspot.com
We arrived home right around sundown. After the dull gray of the city, the country around my parents’ house looked even more vibrant. The horizon was on fire with the setting of the sun.
Mom was standing at the kitchen window, watching for us. As soon as she saw us coming down the road, she came out of the house and once again took her place on the steps. She smiled as I jumped out of the truck and ran up to hug her.
“Did you have fun in the city, David?” she asked me.
I explained to her that I did. I told her of the massive buildings that blotted out the sun and the sky, about the faded look of everything, and about all the people. I didn’t tell her about the angel, though. Not because I wanted to keep it secret, but because I still wasn’t entirely sure that I had even seen her.
For the next two weeks, everything continued as it usually did. Dad would do work around the house, take care of the animals, and work on the current tractor as well as his truck. Behind the barn, dad has was could have been considered a collection of broken-down tractors that he had accrued over the years of working the land.
When I wasn’t helping my dad with some of the little things around our home, I would play on and around the old tractors. Many a time, my mom and dad would find me sitting in one of the tractors making engine noises while bouncing up and down in the seat.
I always enjoyed playing on the tractors, especially when a small breeze would come up from the North and blow through my hair. That feeling, combined with watching the grass make waves with wind made me feel like I was sailing the tractor through a sea of green.
It wasn’t too long before I began to wonder how everything worked. So, I did what comes naturally for any child: I began tearing the tractors apart. The gears fascinated me above everything else. The way they were built and the way they interlocked with each other just amazed me. I began collecting them, beginning with the small ones.
After cleaning the gears, I began to tinker. I wanted to see if I had the ability to create anything. It certainly helped pass the time until the next flea market. The angel was on my mind most of the time. She haunted my dreams and stalked the corridors of my mind. The angel was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I could not wait to see her again.
The day for dad’s bi-monthly city visit came around again, and for me it didn’t come fast enough. I could barely sleep the night before, wondering whether or not the angel would be there. Once again, dad and I loaded up in The Beast and began our trek to the city.
Dad clicked on the radio and began surfing through the stations.
“…what the American Empire needs to worry about is the military threat from the United Kingdom of Nazism…”
“…when will Prince John F. Kennedy realize that not everyone is willing to accept the idea of civil rights for elves, dwarves, etc? Sure, they may be humanoid, but are they human?”
“…in his speech to Parliament today, Prime Minister Martin Luther King, Jr. informed the members that he was well accepted into the Mormon nation of Utah and that President Brigham Young (descendant of founder Brigham Young) will continue to support the American Empire…”
“The Beatles, the musical group that have been granted political asylum by the American Empire, kicked off their latest tour this week in Lost Vegas and will continue down into the Mexican Territories…”
2009 Cowboy Shoot-out Script: “Pirates of…the
(The Dread Pirate Cummerbund and his pack of perilous pirates have been spending months searching for the Fountain of Youth. Instead, they think they have landed in
(pirates enter street from East end of
All Pirates: Yar! Make way for the Dread Pirate Cummerbund!
(Cummerbund enters the scene. All swagger and ego.)
Cummerbund: I do not think the Fountain of Youth be here, you scallywags! Me thinks we have landed in
(Crowd yells “
1st Mate Bob: Are you sure, cap’n?
Cummerbund: Course I’m sure, 1st Mate Bob. By the way, I’ve always wanted to ask. Do you have a last name?
1st Mate Bob: No. It’s just Bob.
(Saloon girls enter the pirates’ line of sight)
Cummerbund: Ah! See there? There be some lusty wenches right now!
Saloon Girl 1: What did you call us?
1st Mate Bob: He called you ‘wenches’. Is this not
(Crowd, again, yells “
Frantic Frannie: This ain’t
(Cummerbund and the other pirates look at each other in shock.)
Frantic Frannie: No.
1st Mate Bob: Mr. Upchuck. Front and center!
(Upchuck, a not-at-all-sober looking pirate stumbles up in front of Cummerbund)
Upchuck: Yes, sir?
Cummerbund: How do you explain us landing in
Upchuck: Um…by the river, sir?
Cummerbund: Let me see that map, you poor excuse for a pirate.
(Upchuck pulls a well-worn piece of paper from one of his pockets and hands it to Cummerbund. Cummerbund looks at it and then gives an exasperated sigh. He hands it to 1st Mate Bob.)
1st Mate Bob: You call this a map. There’s nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines drawn on it.”
Upchuck: I was drawing it as we went along, sir, but sometimes the current was too fast.
1st Mate Bob: Where is the real map?
Upchuck: Oh, I threw that overboard in the
Cummerbund: Mr. Upchuck. Do me a favor and show me which way North is.
(Upchuck points up at the sky at which point Cummerbund shoots him. Cummerbund then turns around and addresses Frannie.)
Cummerbund: This may not be
(Crowd yells “
Cummerbund: Anyway. We’re going to take this nice little town for our own.
Frantic Frannie: No you’re not. This town belongs to us.
(Sheriff Hugus and his deputy/deputies enter the scene from Lollypops)
Sheriff Hugus: Actually, this is my town.
Saloon Girls: Sheriff Hugus! He’s so cute!
Sheriff Hugus: That’s right. And this is Deputy Glode.
Cummerbund: I thought you said we were in
(All the pirates point and laugh.)
Sheriff Hugus: When you’re done laughing, Jack Sparrow, I will tell you how we will handle this.
Frantic Frannie: I’m ready to hear it.
Cummerbund: Me too.
Sheriff Hugus: A contest.
Cummerbund: You mean a dance contest?
(At this, music starts and some of the pirates start break-dancing)
Frantic Frannie: That’s enough.
(She shoots one of the pirates and the music stops.)
Sheriff Hugus: We will have a shooting contest. The loser will leave the town and the winner will stay.
Frantic Frannie and Cummerbund: I’m game!
Deputy Glode: Then bring out your best shooters.
Frantic Frannie: Blind Betty! Get over here.
(Deaf Dan enters the scene.)
Frantic Frannie: This here is Blind Betty, the best shooter this side of the
Deaf Dan: What was that?
Frantic Frannie: I said Blind Betty. Not Deaf Dan.
(Blind Betty enters the scene and shows off his gun techniques.)
Cummerbund: Well we will use Cross-eyed Charlie!
Sheriff Hugus: Now we need a volunteer.
(A “volunteer” is picked from the crowd and taken out in front of the two markmen.)
Sheriff Hugus: One the count of three, fire. One. Two. Three.
(Blind Betty and Cross-eyed Charlie shoot wildly, hitting everyone except their target. They then shoot each other.)
Saloon Girls: They shoot at everyone except the volunteer!
Sheriff Hugus: Yep. This happens every year around this time.